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| I wanted to thank everyone who read my previous few posts about feeling stagnant. I wanted to thank those who have been praying for me, even once a week or every other week. If only a dozen people did that, I'd be covered every day! Wonderful!
I want to report to you all that your prayer is working. God is good, and has been giving me more confidence, greater social connection here in L.A., more leads toward jobs that sound more appropriate for me, and more. I'm still not out of the psychological woods yet, but I am certainly doing better, and I know that in part your prayer is directly responsible for that. So, thank you!
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| Not sure who's still reading Xanga, but...
I've come to the realization that I need some regular prayer support to get out of my present life-funk.
Years of depression followed by a few more of trying hard at an engineering job and feeling like not once during that time did I exceed expectations -- let alone meet them fully -- have left me believing that "I can't". (I keep it brief here, but more details available to those who ask.) And so I don't. Why try at all after that track record?
But I must. I don't want to be here forever. And I know I'm 1) better than this, even at present; and 2) cut out for something far greater than I can presently believe or conceive.
But I can't do this alone. I've tried, and it's not working. However, at times when I know people have been praying for me, I've felt it, and I've been *worlds* better! Perhaps those prayers are like my own, and they stop after a week (if that!). But if you can't pray every day -- don't remember, whatever -- please keep at it when you do remember, so that you can be covering for when someone else forgets! 
So please, as you have time, as you remember, keep me in your prayers, and for the long haul. Of course I could use prayer forever; but I think I need probably six months to a year of good, continuous prayer and healthy movement to get seriously over this funk. Pray as you are led, but specific areas include: praying that I find my value in God's eyes and not in my own or men's (people's); praying that I remember to trust that God will lead me into good places and away from those He doesn't want; praying that when those "good" places get tough -- because they will, if I'm to grow! -- I continue to trust God; praying for my discernment of God's voice from the noise of Satan and life; and praying that I relearn how to move on my own (in God's will) as confidence is regained.
Thank you all for your unending support and love. I covet it all. God is good -- He always has been, and will be -- and this, too, shall pass!
And please let me know how I can return the favor and continue to pray for each of YOU.
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Donizetti - La Fille du Régiment / Sutherland, Pavarotti, Malas, Sinclair, ROH Covent Garden, Bonynge
By Gaetano Donizetti, Richard Bonynge, Joan Sutherland, Luciano Pavarotti, Orchestra and Chorus of The Royal Opera House Covent Garden, Monica Sinclair, Spiro Malas, Eric Garrett, Edith Coates
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Well, I have my first performance of a role in two days! How exciting! Things are going well, and I expect a great performance!
Wednesday night the general director (age 90+, I think) came to rehearsal. During my offstage time and after the rehearsal he told me he really liked what he was hearing from me, and that he had a role for me next season if I wanted it. (For those versed in opera, it is Barnaba in Ponchielli's La Gioconda.) The character is sinister, a real Iago character (from Othello); in fact, the same librettist wrote La Gioconda and Verdi's Otello. Little surprise I should like the idea of playing Barnaba when I was already intrigued by Iago. Anyway, I will look at the score in a week or so, then decide more officially.
After that, we discussed their production of Mozart's Marriage of Figaro. He said he has the Count already cast, but that he may be looking for a Figaro. I tried to jump on that one too, but he was concerned I couldn't learn both parts quickly enough. But since they're two or three months apart, I really think I could do it! And I have a full six months before the first of the two.
What's more, I was talking with someone who's involved with another opera company in the area, and she suggested I come out and audition with them too! So many opportunities!
So, what are my reactions to all this? Well, none of these opportunities pay, or if they do, it isn't much. So I still need to look for a day-job (see my previous post for today). Furthermore, I know I still have a long way to develop my voice before I can move beyond these smaller opera companies into something larger. And that requires finding a voice teacher and/or coach, and probably taking some acting classes, and various other extra-curricular education, all of which will require more money -- leading me back to a job.
This past year has certainly been important and formative for my operatic career, nor has it been by any means a waste of time. To go back to any day-job, I am now more fully equipped to seriously pursue my love for singing. My questions for the future are:
What kind of job should I get? Should I get a full-time, probably soft. dev. job again? Will doing so critically jeopardize my singing? Most importantly, will I lose operatic ground I have gained over the last year?
If I get a less strenuous job (i.e., Starbuck's), will I be able to make enough money to continue singing (like, paying for voice lessons and production costs, such as costumes)? Will I be able to save enough to go to grad. school sooner or later? Will I really have that much more time on my hands?
Or should I continue living off savings, trying to make things happen as a singer?
I think living off of savings is not practical, wise, or viable. As for the other two options, they have their respective pros and cons...
Lord, whatever you want, I want too!
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| OK, folks, it's time: time for me to find my next paying job. Money's getting less commonplace around here, and paid singing gigs aren't plentiful enough to offset money's scarcity.
So, I look.
I began a few months ago by applying at MakeItWork (the red Cooper Minis that drive to your house and fix your computer / stereo / husband), but one of the other thirty applicants for the same position must have received the job, because I wasn't called back.
Then I began calling around to catering companies, having worked a catering gig in Santa Barbara just before leaving, and knowing that it was fun and rather flexible of schedule. But all of the places I called asked what kind of experience I had and whether I could bartend, and then told me they weren't even really hiring right now because of the economy.
So I gave up for a while, feeling like that was God's leading right now anyway.
After another month or so, I decided to at least keep looking; how else would God open a door if I wasn't knocking? (OK, so He could open a door without me knocking, but I figured it would be wise of me just to knock anyway.)
This week I took a stroll around downtown Pasadena and inquired at coffee shops and the like for a job. They all wanted me to apply online.
However, before I could get around to doing that, I began to take stock of what I want to do in life (i.e., grad school, go to Europe, etc.) and so many things required so much money that I decided it may be far better for me to look for another software development job and get paid a bit more in the short term to be able to do my long term goals.
Which leads me to the past couple of days. To avoid boring with superfluous and unnecessary details, suffice it to say I'm in an email conversation with one recruiter looking for someone to port someone's application from Windows CE to Linux (I assume by adding a thin layer between application and kernel that will translate kernel calls).
And then I went to the barber today, to get my hair cut for the opera on Sunday. (Yes, this is pertinent...) As I was sitting there at the mercy of the scissors, another man walked in and waited his turn. We got to talking, and he currently works at a startup (read: small) company in the area that has developed / is developing a TCP stack. After my haircut, he handed me his card and told me to email him.
Though I think, with my very limited knowledge of both situations (and all other potentials), I would prefer the former (Windows-Linux port) job over the latter (barbershop) job, it nonetheless appears to me that God may be setting things in motion. And that is always exciting.
The order of business for the near future is for me to keep praying about where I should be, and even whether or not I should be working (that is, apart from singing) right now. I do not in any way want to force God's hand, because I've done that [at least] once or twice before, and that's not where I want to be again. So, prayers for wisdom in so many ways are appreciated.
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| Thanks to the person(s) who has been praying for me since my last post. I've been feeling much better, thank you! This is just to let you know that prayer really works, so please keep praying -- I, and we all, need it very much!
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